Okay, one of those days is all. Have I mentioned my bipolarity? Well, this happened to be one of the more so depressive rather than the manic of days. But, hey. Tomorrow's a new one, if it comes.
This was the mental soundtrack played in my head all of today. It's what happens when I foresake self-medicating, lesson learned.
"I walk a lonely road, the only one that I have ever known. Don't know where it goes, but it's only me and I walk alone.
"I walk this empty street on the boulevard of broken dreams where the city sleeps, and I'm the only one and I walk alone.
"My shadow's the only one that walks beside me. My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating. Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me. 'Til then I walk alone.
"I'm walking down the line that divides me somewhere in my mind, on the borderline of the edge and where I walk alone.
"Read between the lines what's fucked up and everything's alright. Check my vital signs to know I'm still alive and I walk alone."
Green Day - Boulevard of Broken Dreams
This was the mental soundtrack played in my head all of today. It's what happens when I foresake self-medicating, lesson learned.
"I walk a lonely road, the only one that I have ever known. Don't know where it goes, but it's only me and I walk alone.
"I walk this empty street on the boulevard of broken dreams where the city sleeps, and I'm the only one and I walk alone.
"My shadow's the only one that walks beside me. My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating. Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me. 'Til then I walk alone.
"I'm walking down the line that divides me somewhere in my mind, on the borderline of the edge and where I walk alone.
"Read between the lines what's fucked up and everything's alright. Check my vital signs to know I'm still alive and I walk alone."
GREAT song, but HORRIBLE feeling. Wish I could be there to walk with you. Take my hand.
ReplyDeleteHey Doug! Are you really bipolar? Like on medication for it? I used to be "depressive", but I hated anti-depressants. They made me super- tired and once I felt like my brain was outside of my body and floating next to me. But, somehow, we were communicating.(ha) Anyway, I never experienced mania for real. I met people who were successful manics and would be mega-productive and not sleep for days, until they crashed.
ReplyDeleteI figured out my depression is/was more situational than chemical for me. Hope you get out of your funk soon.
Hey Doug R,
ReplyDeleteHang in there kid!
This is awful. Sorry to hear you're down right now, but glad to see you posting right on. Stay the course, my friend, and you will bounce back real soon.
ReplyDeleteDoug,
ReplyDeleteNo, you hadn't mentioned it...least not while I've been a "fan." :)
I, myself have had bouts of anxiety and panic. I know they are not the same thing, but the "same" in the sense that they become overwhelming at times.
Sending you lots of hugs, and making you some, well I was gonna say "hot tea" but you don't strike me as a tea kind of a guy...so as I was saying...getting a blankey, and gonna sit by you just in case you need to talk, cry...or just need a hug from "Mama."
Also gonna email you the Bunny info right now. Will take a little time for me to type...
Okay, all. It really took me until just now to even have the nerve or whatever to read your comments, I didn't want bunches of sympathy of anything, I hate being needy. But I do have to say thank you, your thoughts meant a lot to me. I'm really, honestly, not a whiner ... and the only reason I posted anything of what was going on in my head was because I HAD to get it out somewhere. I intended to delete it, really, but since I didn't get up until nearly 5 in the afternoon, I see it was too late. So anyway, my thanks for thinking of me and the kind words. And, no I'm not on meds because I would rather live life and be me whatever that is, without being all doped up all the time like some others I know. Just not for me. I'll go check out the Rabbit email now, thanks Lumina. And yes, anxiety and panic can be debilitating, believe me I know. Those who don't ever have that extreme sort don't get it, I understand, but ... yeah.
ReplyDeleteP.S. I realize my hypocrisy saying I don't want to be doped up. In full disclosure, and like I said in this post, things got bad when I quit self-medicating. Not prescription maybe, but probably not any better really than my alcohol consumption.
ReplyDeleteHey, all the new drugs are Russian Roulette, least with booze and pot you know what you're getting. I agree. Doug! This is wat blogs are for--bitchin' moaning, whinning and flatulation-procrastination.
ReplyDelete