I must be getting old or something, apparently not so up to date on the latest pop music scene as I used to be. I've lost my taste for bubble gum over the past few years, I know. But anyway, I guess there's this latest flash in the pan one-hit-wonder-to-be Katy Perry whose single I Kissed a Girl made it to número uno around the world (except in France where it made it only so far as dieciséis.)
Church folk are far more hip to the pop scene than myself, it seems, at least the congregation at the Havens Corners Church in Blacklick, Ohio. They're surely attuned to what today's youngsters are listening in to, with this girl on girl making out soundtrack.
So what better way to reach these kids and save them from eternal damnation than to amend the church yard sign to read with the lyrics from the seemingly popular iPod-worthy song, “I kissed a girl and I liked it,” followed up with their own inspired addendum co-written presumably with God Himself, “Then I went to hell.”
Pastor Dave Allison says the sign is a warning (a "loving" one, actually) to teens about the dangers of homosexuality. A heads up, that's all, for the young folks who might wish to ensure their future free pass to the heavenly gates when Jesus calls them home.
I don't think Brother Dave really thought this through so very much, despite his holiest of intentions to save souls. I mean, what about all of the young men cruising by who just might happen to take in the message and being unfamiliar with the song or the gist of it all, thinking ... "Holy crap, I just kissed her goodnight is all!"
It could possibly cause some distress, I'd reckon, that verdict to burn for eternity in a lake of fire. That's what happens when you kiss girls. I'd suggest switching teams, the cute guys anyway. Otherwise, just go to hell. Don't say you weren't given fair warning.
Church folk are far more hip to the pop scene than myself, it seems, at least the congregation at the Havens Corners Church in Blacklick, Ohio. They're surely attuned to what today's youngsters are listening in to, with this girl on girl making out soundtrack.
So what better way to reach these kids and save them from eternal damnation than to amend the church yard sign to read with the lyrics from the seemingly popular iPod-worthy song, “I kissed a girl and I liked it,” followed up with their own inspired addendum co-written presumably with God Himself, “Then I went to hell.”
Pastor Dave Allison says the sign is a warning (a "loving" one, actually) to teens about the dangers of homosexuality. A heads up, that's all, for the young folks who might wish to ensure their future free pass to the heavenly gates when Jesus calls them home.
I don't think Brother Dave really thought this through so very much, despite his holiest of intentions to save souls. I mean, what about all of the young men cruising by who just might happen to take in the message and being unfamiliar with the song or the gist of it all, thinking ... "Holy crap, I just kissed her goodnight is all!"
It could possibly cause some distress, I'd reckon, that verdict to burn for eternity in a lake of fire. That's what happens when you kiss girls. I'd suggest switching teams, the cute guys anyway. Otherwise, just go to hell. Don't say you weren't given fair warning.
Hilarious post, Doug. I well remember the "loving warnings" issued to the folk where I attended church as a youth. Today I can't imagine how anyone was able to sit through these things week after week. I started questioning some of this by the time I was twelve and was completely cured by twenty. That type of God had no appeal to me as a child and age has only reinforced my conviction about it. As Thomas Paine said: "Any system of religion that has anything in it that shocks the mind of a child, cannot be true."
ReplyDeleteOoh, the Thomas Paine quote is one of those that I wish I would remember, that is fantastic! I'm memory-challenged when it comes to quotes unfortunately, I wish I was more like you. Yeah, what's funny about the "loving warnings" is that I spent time with a group that listening to the pop music itself was enough to send you straight to Hades, now it's an instrument of salvation. The Lord moves in mysterious ways, I suppose, depending on whatever.
ReplyDeleteDoug R,
ReplyDeleteHow do you find these weird stories? Great post.
I lost my father, I got MS, I got cancer, then God made me gay and at the end I get to go to hell. Wow, and people wonder why I don't go to church. Well known by now that sinners go to church, a den of sinners, they lie, are dishonest, sit around discussing sex, ewwwww. Now they blare that kissinga girl sends you to hell, yep, poor males in that town...should they kiss their dogs?
ReplyDeleteMan...as usual...church people just plain scare me...
ReplyDeleteDoug B! LOVE that quote!
I'd be church people if I could ever be so motivated to get up in the mornings. I might would get up, if I could find the right church for me.
ReplyDeleteDoug, you would love the church across the street from me. They have WTF sermons.
ReplyDelete