Things We Say and Do, Who Knew?

Once in awhile, when you're feeling like crap about yourself (okay, maybe that's just me, but) it's not such a bad idea to remind your own self that you are planted here for some reason. And to also remember how you'll probably most likely never have any idea of how some seemingly insignificant thing you might have done or said impacted another, some whom you might not even have known.

Kind of a bonus then those times when you do find out by some chance at least something that you might have done or said and considered forgettable, but a token of sorts to take away even a single incident, that did make a difference.

Backstory here. There was this lady I hired once to work for me, she was a joy. Short little rotund upbeat middle-aged woman. Moving her entire family from Oklahoma to Kansas City for the job. So then after a couple of years, I showed up to work one day and shortly after walking into my office the phone rang. It was Joan.

"Hi, Doug. I wanted to call and let you know that I won't be able to make it in to work today, my husband is dead."

Oh my God! I mean, I'm accustomed to pretending sympathetic to fake sick days and stuff (cough, sniffle) just as I expect my highers-up to be with me when I pull the same stunt, but this one was not something I knew how to even respond!

"The police are here now," she said. "I didn't kill him or anything, but I wanted to call you first and let you know."

Bless her heart, she was obviously in shock anyway, since she had just found him dead that morning when she got up to get ready for work, and I was her first (or second, I guess, the cops were already on scene) call on the list before family or anyone else who might have mattered more. Plus dealing with having to tell their two sons still at home.

So that was a stickler conversation for me, that call, not having any idea how to respond. I did my best and despite company policy of I think it was three days allowed for dead family members I told her to take away as much time from the office as she needed, no worries.

She called in every couple of days to let me know how things were going, and a few of us from the office went to her husband's funeral.

The day before she came back to work, I intentionally went into her office and made a point to rip off the desk calendar sheets to be up to date! I mean, who would want to come back to the last night you left for home expecting to tear off yourself the next date and find the one staring you in the face that hubby found dead.

All right, as an aside, personally I think after not so long of a time she did begin to enjoy singledom. Not that there's anything wrong with that, I thought it was funny to watch actually. And she did start traveling some and always brought me back presents, so that was an upside.

Anyway, then after I had left the company and just a few years after that morning phone call, I received another call one evening from a friend of mine and still an employee there, to tell me that Joan's oldest son had been killed. In a car accident, while on the phone even with the woman he had been seeing, which probably aces my freaking out phone call that this lady heard him die. Missed a curve in the road, he did, crashed and was killed.

I hadn't spoken to Joan in those years since I had left, but I felt compelled to call her since I had tried (my best effort, at least) to be there when her husband had passed away just to let her know that I was aware and that my thoughts and prayers were definitely with her. It had just happened, the accident perhaps the day before.

She was upset, clearly, and I didn't keep her on the phone for too long. I just wanted to convey my condolences and to let her know I cared and was mindful of what had just happened.

Jeez, back to my original point ... got carried away there. But anyway I remembered ending the call, because when she started breaking down and bawling I got really uncomfortable, by telling her to remember her blessings and not to forget her other son, and finally that I had been witness to and had admired her strength in the past so I knew she was a strong woman, and would make it through this time.

That was it. That's all. Then months later I was talking to another friend still working there who off the cuff just happened to mention to me how after that night's tragedy Joan had mentioned to her my phone call. How that she had begun to think she couldn't deal with the situation any longer, but Doug had called and said that she was a strong woman and that he had admired her strength, and that clicked with her to buck up and move forward.

Hey, you never know, that's all I'm saying. And it made me feel used, in a good way. I just happened to find out this by chance, but it is a reminder to me constantly that whatever I choose to say, whatever I choose to do, really does sometimes make a difference in someone's life, whether I will ever know how or why is of no consequence. So I try to be thoughtful of my actions.

Of course, not all of my actions are always so positive, I get pissed off and probably have also emotionally scarred some for life, but you take the bad with the good. I do like finding out my good self, though. Warm fuzzies and all, reminds me that I might have some worth here after all. Have a good week, make the best of it!