Anyone a Big Brother fan? (I refer to the popular CBS reality show ... not the GWB network's lower-rated surreality program of the same name.)
If so, you may remember from BB2 evicted houseguest Kent Blackwelder. Or maybe not. After all, he didn't last for so long, banished from the house within the first few weeks.
Cast as the token old guy amongst the young, the chain-smoking-right-wing-homophobic-bigoted-nutjob surprisingly forged a special bond with Bunky, the requisite homo in da house.
"The bed's nice and soft, buddy." Sweet.
If not for Kent's premature ousting, one can only imagine what might have arisen between the two. But, alas, it wasn't meant to be. Back to Tennessee for Kent, welcoming arms of wife and kids at the ready. Good to be home. Damn straight!
Fast forward to the present. Screw the half-mil pocket change he might have won had he been crowned last houseguest standing. Now Kent is suing for the much grander prize of $4-million in damages, after his young daughter opened a mailing containing, of all things, gay pornography!
Ah, memories of Bunky.
The lawsuit asserts that the mailing was unsolicited (I suppose it could happen, and if so I'd like to be on that mailing list) and that his 12-year old daughter opened the envelope advertising a "Free DVD" and therefore thought (wouldn't we all?) ... that it was from Disney.
Dumbo.
Instead, the envelope contained the DVD Farm Fresh from Titan Men, and promos for the gay adult magazine Freshmen.
The lawsuit claims:
The lawsuit accuses the company of inflicting extreme emotional distress on both father and daughter.
Yeah, unrequited man-lust sucks, and not in a good way (been there - I know), but at least there exists the universal panacea of gay porn to help endure those hardest of hard times.
I just never realized how lucrative the remedy could be! Had I only been aware, back in the day when I myself was married and stashing, I would be a rich man today.
Here's what I think, albeit admittedly somewhat or a lot assumptive:
Rather than confess when caught red-handed and hairy-palmed to collecting and ordering gay porn, the guy opted to feign innocent ignorance. If only he had beaten the little bitch to the mailbox, his secret might have remained well kept.
Four-mil is nothing to sneeze at, though. And if this indeed proves to be a textbook case of curse-to-blessing, I'm heading back to the closet. Straight away, with order form in hand.
If so, you may remember from BB2 evicted houseguest Kent Blackwelder. Or maybe not. After all, he didn't last for so long, banished from the house within the first few weeks.
Cast as the token old guy amongst the young, the chain-smoking-right-wing-homophobic-bigoted-nutjob surprisingly forged a special bond with Bunky, the requisite homo in da house.
"The bed's nice and soft, buddy." Sweet.
If not for Kent's premature ousting, one can only imagine what might have arisen between the two. But, alas, it wasn't meant to be. Back to Tennessee for Kent, welcoming arms of wife and kids at the ready. Good to be home. Damn straight!
Fast forward to the present. Screw the half-mil pocket change he might have won had he been crowned last houseguest standing. Now Kent is suing for the much grander prize of $4-million in damages, after his young daughter opened a mailing containing, of all things, gay pornography!
Ah, memories of Bunky.
The lawsuit asserts that the mailing was unsolicited (I suppose it could happen, and if so I'd like to be on that mailing list) and that his 12-year old daughter opened the envelope advertising a "Free DVD" and therefore thought (wouldn't we all?) ... that it was from Disney.
Dumbo.
Instead, the envelope contained the DVD Farm Fresh from Titan Men, and promos for the gay adult magazine Freshmen.
The lawsuit claims:
"Being a curious child and thinking the free DVD offer was for a Disney movie, opened the envelope at which time she was horribly shocked to see numerous sexually explicit photographs of completely nude males.Who then, I would presume, promptly and hastily stashed it betwixt mattress and boxsprings for later enraged and engorged perusal.
"She ran to her father to show him what she had found, and he likewise was shocked, disgusted and enraged."
The lawsuit accuses the company of inflicting extreme emotional distress on both father and daughter.
"As a result of the negligence ...the [Blackwelders] have sustained great pain of body and mind and emotional stress, including shock, horror, humiliation and embarrassment as well as anxiety," according to the lawsuit."Distress apparently worth about $350,000 in compensatory damages plus another $3.5 million in punitive damages.
Yeah, unrequited man-lust sucks, and not in a good way (been there - I know), but at least there exists the universal panacea of gay porn to help endure those hardest of hard times.
I just never realized how lucrative the remedy could be! Had I only been aware, back in the day when I myself was married and stashing, I would be a rich man today.
Here's what I think, albeit admittedly somewhat or a lot assumptive:
Rather than confess when caught red-handed and hairy-palmed to collecting and ordering gay porn, the guy opted to feign innocent ignorance. If only he had beaten the little bitch to the mailbox, his secret might have remained well kept.
Four-mil is nothing to sneeze at, though. And if this indeed proves to be a textbook case of curse-to-blessing, I'm heading back to the closet. Straight away, with order form in hand.
It could be that someone subscribed him to the gay porn because of Big Brother. You know, a little joke.
ReplyDeleteThat is true, but being the gay porn aficionado that I am, most of the well-known companies cover their asses, so to speak, and ordering for yourself is trouble enough to make sure you're of age, much less sending something to others. Of course, though, it could still be done. Regardless, though, the argument that getting something like that in the mail caused "great pain of body and mind?" Bodily pain? Short of a paper cut, I can't even imagine. Hardly worth 4 mil.
ReplyDeleteI don't doubt that gay porn companies are careful.
ReplyDeleteOn a side note, man on man porn is a good learning tool for hetro women (and woman on woman is for hetro men).
And yes, the "great pain to body and mind" is silly suit. Who doesn't like a little pain while f*cking?
Seriously tho, lawsuits such as this one should be thrown out of court.
If the packaged wasn't addressed to the child why would she open it? 12 is not five or six. I get mail all the time...Not that kind of mail , and my children never open it. Can I sue the church folks who send those raptures mailers to me? Those aren't even in a envelop.
ReplyDeleteGood point Rain. Yeah, I'm sure it was not meant to be sent there, yeah and I'm 6'8". Please. The kid is scarred for life, eh? I thought it was recently determined that Bambi did that? Disney can lose a few mill. Hmmm, good question...how much $$ would I go back in the closet for? Hmmm
ReplyDeletelittle navigator - no need for asterisks here, you should fuckin' know that. U's are most welcome. Also, I did see a documentary a few weeks ago about women who do enjoy watching the gay porn, for the very reason you mention. I was surprised!
ReplyDeleteRain and Diane - yeah, the kid was not 5 or 6, she's 12. Old enough to know better than to open mail not addressed to her, old enough to probably know that a Free DVD offer from Titan Men most likely shouldn't raise your expectations to receive a restored version of Steamboat Willie.
Altho, Steamboat Willie might not be such a bad name for a gay flick.
The guy is an idiot to think he has a chance in hell of winning this thing, it shouldn't even be up for consideration, like little navigator said.
Doug,
ReplyDeleteYour visitors won't appreciate me uncensored, believe me. :-)
The thoughts that I rolling around my little brain regarding two men going at it isn't for the young at heart. :-)
LOL Well, I'll welcome U uncensored, whenever you want. Particularly if it's about two men going at it. Or four. I've found that any more than that tends to become too confusing.
ReplyDelete"I've found that any more than that tends to become too confusing."
ReplyDeleteLet's just say that the above is how I found out I'm not a good multitasker.
What's the big deal? Everyone knows "The Jungle Book" was thinly disguised gay porn...what with Mowgli and Baloo singing and dancing about "The Bare Necessities."
ReplyDelete'Bout time the kid learned about the real world. :)
PS - Glad I found your new home, Doug.
Unfortunate incident, silly lawsuit. I myself experienced "shock, horror, humiliation and embarrassment as well as anxiety" when I finally got it through my thick skull that most 12 year olds already know more about sex than I do at nearly 50. Of course we didn't have the internet or satellite television way back when I was 12.
ReplyDelete"Of course we didn't have the internet or satellite television way back when I was 12."
ReplyDeleteyeah, but we did have scrambled cable. :-)
Well, Doug, at least you didn't sustain "great pain of body" when you came to that realization. On the other hand, if only you had been so lucky, you might be a rich man today!
ReplyDeleteAnd Little Navigator, you know, I too fondly remember scrambled porn days! LOL If you were patient enough to watch for twenty minutes or so, you might have been lucky enough to catch a few seconds worth of identifiable boobage and dickage. Good times.
Mark - Nice observation, that, with the Bare Necessities and the Disney 'mos! You should see the director's cut. BTW, good to see you here! Stay incensed, I'm still a fan.